The Single Most Important Thing I Wish I Did During My First 30 Days As A Growth Leader

A few years ago, I encountered a conflict at my workplace with my direct line manager. 

I had recently joined the new organization and I began to feel the expectations set out for me were quite unrealistic within the defined timeframe, I convinced myself that I would be able to manage them. 

When I realized that I would not be able to meet my targets, I wanted to communicate the situation to my leader.

The challenge? 

We had different workplace personalities. 

He is a dominant personality, which means he can be forceful, lacks empathy, and only focuses on results. My personality style is steadiness - I am patient, even-tempered, and empathetic but can easily give in to the demands of senior authority and withhold my opinions, which can be harmful than speaking candidly.

Before I set up the call with this leader, I did some reflective work so I could set a communicative framework that would work for both of us. I didn’t want the call to end with a clash in our personalities, which would prove detrimental to my career. 

But at the same time, I wanted my voice to be heard and I wanted to remain my authentic self.  

The magic of upward management 

This situation called for upward management – which the Harvard Business Review defines as “being the most effective employee you can be, [and] creating value for your boss and your company.”

However, this doesn’t imply managing your manager or trying to make them behave in ways that aren’t natural for them. 

The goal of upward management is to foster a positive and productive relationship with your boss, by learning how to adapt to their working and communication style. While also conveying your own preferred style. 

Sounds too idealistic or even unrealistic? 

It isn’t. Through upward management, I was able to clarify expectations for myself and my boss, which enabled us to build a strong rapport and trust.

Sharing the three tools of upward management I used on my call –

1. Personal Operating Manual

One of my best direct line managers shared this tool with me and I have found it to be most useful when you want to effectively communicate your working style and create a guideline of how you will work best together. This personal operating manual can also be found here - Atlassian Team Playbook.

A personal operating manual is a great way to encourage reflection on your working style. This can include your personality at work, what people can expect when they work with you, what you expect from them, personal quirks or preferences, and even incorporate the feedback you’ve received from others.

This tool is designed for team members to understand how to support each other’s ideal conditions for getting their best work done.

2. The Intersection Of Success

In this resource design powerhouse Julie Zhuo (ex-VP of design at Facebook) asks employees to make sure they align on two questions with their managers – 

• What is success for me personally? 

• What is success for my manager’s team? 

The way I see aligning on these two questions is by understanding the format (like reports, data, or tasks completed) that works best for your manager to measure success.

At the same time, you can share your own metrics for presenting success to your boss. Then mutually decide to agree on both or one of them. 

This way there is transparency encouraged from the very start of your relationship with your boss. You both can now understand each other’s needs and accept them. 

Much like dynamics needed for the success of a healthy romantic partnership! Conversations around these two questions must happen frequently to ensure you and your manager are on the same page. 

The way a manager defines success will keep changing, especially in a start-up or fast-growth environment. 

3. Managing Your Emotions 

A crucial part of upward management is managing your emotions when communicating with your seniors. 

This doesn’t mean we must be unemotional through our interactions with colleagues. We’re human and feelings will fill all parts of our lives. 

Emotions are a great compass to tell us what matters to us even in a work environment. But if flared up, emotions may compel us to act in ways that don’t bring the result we need from a situation and only make matters worse.  

Here is a step-by-step method to manage your emotions with your boss (or anyone else in your life!)

• Before communicating, resolve your emotions within yourself internally by mapping out how your manager made you feel and why that hurt or bothered you. 

• Once emotionally regulated, express to your manager how a particular action they took made you feel, so they don’t feel that their overall personality is being attacked.  

For instance, if they raised their voice at you for not doing your job well in front of your colleagues, tell them how this made you feel disrespected.  

• Ask your manager if you may have misread their action, which creates space for dialogue. 

• You may have to consider cultural differences or gender dynamics that can lead to conflict – men may need more space to resolve conflicts while women tend to be more intuitive about their feelings.  

• Then suggest what specific change in behavior you need from your boss to perform well at your job. 

Perhaps next time your manager could raise concerns they had over your performance in private. Or ask for weekly task reports that could be a metric for measuring your performance.

The purpose of managing your emotions is not to win for your logic but to enable a result that is satisfying for both you and your boss. 

Upward management can feel uncomfortable, and that's okay

Managing upwards is not always an intuitive instinct. Especially for those of us who grew up in African or Eastern cultures where the unquestionable authority of elders has been the norm. 

But in the modern multicultural workplace, your inability to manage upwards can cost you your career.  A study by Gallup found that one in two employees have left a job at some point to get away from their manager. A job they (much like you and me) would have gone to great lengths to secure. 

Managing upwards then becomes crucial for your career growth. 

Particularly for senior leaders who are working in a high-growth organization, where the priority remains to deliver growth and scalability super fast.